


Love (Actually) Is All Around

by McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-26
Updated: 2011-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-26 13:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year after Tonks' death, Remus is learning that Christmas has a magic all its own and that love actually is all around. Set post-war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for snupin_santa 2005 for kaleidoskope, who asked for "Love Actually -inspired. Over the top, fluffy and improbable plot, lots of character cameos." It's not really over the top, but it's a romantic comedy with numerous cameos. ;) I tried to capture the feel of the film rather than recreate it, although there are a few references here and there. You don't have to have seen the film to enjoy the story, but it will probably be funnier if you have.

  
_"General opinion is starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed. But I don't see that. Seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there... If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling that love actually is all around." - Love Actually_   


**December 1, 1998:**

There were Muggles in the neighborhood, thus Remus had to carry his luggage, which consisted of a battered old steamer trunk and an equally battered carpet bag, to the kerb rather than levitate it. After years of experience with packing and moving, he was beyond being either surprised or dismayed that all his worldly belongings could fit into two pieces; granted, some of it was shrunken down, but still he needed no extra boxes or bags, and the tiny flat was denuded of all his belongings, only the rickety furniture that had been there before he moved in remaining.

The wheels of bureaucracy turned slowly, but after months of waiting and hoping and lobbying, fortune had taken an upward turn, and he had received his appointment to the Werewolf Registry, where he would function as a liaison between humans and werewolves. He would also be working with Muggles who were infected, helping ease their transition from normal human to semi-magical Dark creature. Unofficially, trying to convince the Ministry to provide the Wolfsbane potion to the werewolf population was on his agenda, but he knew that would be a long time in coming, if it ever did.

Drawing his wand, he held it out - and then he took a step back as the Knight bus jounced into view, screeching to a stop perilously close to where Remus' toes had just been. The doors opened, and a spotty-faced young man peered down at him.

"Where you going?"

"The Leaky Cauldron, please," Remus said politely. He went to fetch his trunk from the sidewalk, but the conductor elbowed him aside.

"All part of the service," the young man said, grunting as he hauled the trunk into the bus, bumping it against each step along the way. Remus watched with dismay, but he said nothing. He supposed a few more dings and dents wouldn't hurt, and he hoped to replace his luggage soon anyway.

Remus settled into a vacant armchair by a window near the front and pushed his other bag under his seat, relaxing as the bus began to move, taking the corner with an alarming squeal of brakes and wheels.

"Eleven sickles," the conductor said, holding out a ticket. "Two more if you want hot chocolate."

Out of habit, Remus began to refuse, but then he remembered the Ministry had given him a small advance to help cover the cost of moving and finding a new flat in London more suitable for a Ministry employee involved in public relations. It felt odd being able to afford little luxuries, but he might as well start adjusting to it now.

"I'll take some hot chocolate," he said, fishing the coins out of his pocket and handing them over.

Turning his attention out the window, he watched the countryside whiz by while he waited for the conductor to return with his hot chocolate, and his thoughts strayed to the past. He wasn't sad to leave the old flat. It was cramped and dingy, located in a run-down neighborhood in a run-down town, and it held too many painful memories of Tonks. They had made love for the first time on his threadbare quilt, and they had made plans for their future together curled up on his sofa.

In some ways, it was difficult to believe it had been nearly a year since she died, struck down by her own aunt. Narcissa, not Bellatrix, surprisingly enough. Narcissa had killed Tonks to protect Draco, and Remus had barely refrained from killing her the next time he encountered her, changing from the Killing Curse to a stunning spell at the last second. That Narcissa was in Azkaban was of little comfort, and he wished the Dementors could be trusted enough to be reinstated as prison guards.

In other ways, it seemed like a lifetime ago, and he had grown restless of late, ready to make a change and put the war and all its tragedy behind him.

Things were changing for the better, not just for him, but in general. The new Minister of Magic, Gawain Robards, was more fair and open-minded, concerned less with politics and more with healing a society shattered by war. He seemed to want a closing of the rift between Wizards and centaurs, goblins, giants, werewolves, and other beings who had been marginalized for far too long; perhaps it was a political move, or perhaps Robards had hopes of avoiding the breeding ground of prejudice, distrust, and discontent that had allowed Voldemort to gain power in the first place, but either way, Remus supported the idea.

The conductor returned with his hot chocolate, and Remus sipped it gingerly, trying not to spill it on himself as the bus bumped along. Someone had left the morning _Prophet_ in the next chair, and he picked it up, donning his reading glasses and skimming the headlines.

"I'm tired of this life, Ern," the conductor said, presumably addressing the elderly driver. "Sure, we get to travel, but it's the same old places, innit. I want to see more of the world." The young man slumped morosely in the doorway leading to the driver's compartment and stared out the window. "Not a single date in months cos the witches here are stuck up, you see. I got a plan, though. I've saved up money, and I'm going to America. I could get a girlfriend over there instantly with my cute British accent. I am Stan, god of sex. I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all."

Remus lifted the newspaper higher to hide his smile lest the young man catch him and be offended, and he tried desperately to keep himself from laughing outright at Stan's plan. It seemed ludicrous, but who was he to mock anyone's dreams? Age and experience would deflate them soon enough.

Tuning out the conversation - the driver wasn't so tactful in expressing his scorn of the plan in response - Remus turned to the entertainment section, where the biggest news seemed to be that Stubby Boardman was trying to make a comeback, launching his solo career with a new holiday album featuring a cover of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" with Celestina Warbeck. It made Remus grateful that he wouldn't be spending Christmas at The Burrow this year, since Molly would likely want to listen to the Christmas Special broadcast which Boardman promised if his album beat the Raving Gnomes' new holiday album on the charts. However, Remus did find Boardman's scathing comments about young upstart musicians amusing enough to consider buying Boardman's album for nostalgia's sake since he had loved The Hobgoblins in their heyday during the late 70s.

The bus had a few stops to make before it reached London, thus Remus had time to finish his hot chocolate before the bus came to an abrupt halt outside the Leaky Cauldron. The conductor tossed Remus' trunk onto the sidewalk, and Remus tried not to wince as it skidded into the wall with a loud thunk. Retrieving his carpet bag from beneath his chair, he exited the bus and picked up one end of his trunk, prepared to drag it inside, but Tom opened the door and stepped out.

"Mr. Lupin." Tom nodded an acknowledgment as he went to help Remus get the trunk inside. "Your room's all ready as requested. Will you be wanting lunch sent up?"

"Thank you." Once they were inside, Remus drew his wand and cast a spell to levitate the trunk. "No, I just want to unpack and start looking for a suitable flat as soon as possible. I'll be back for dinner, though."

"Right you are, then." Tom led the way upstairs and took Remus to room #28, unlocking the door for him and then handing over the key. "Today's special is rabbit stew. We got some fresh conies just this morning. Will there be anything else?"

"No, thank you." Remus smiled and offered a small tip of a few sickles, which seemed to make Tom warm to him a little more. "I'm fine."

"Well, if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." With that, Tom departed, closing the door behind him and leaving Remus alone in the room.

Setting down his luggage at the foot of the bed, Remus went to the window and gazed out over the city. The sky was grey and dreary, and he could tell by the way people on the sidewalk below were fluffing their scarves and tightening their coats around themselves that the wind was cold and strong. He would buy a new scarf, he decided suddenly. And a new pair of gloves too since his had holes in them. Perhaps he would even buy a warm wool hat, he thought, tipping his chin up defiantly.

It had been decades since he'd been able to think about buying something he needed without worrying about the cost, much less something he wanted. Under the circumstances, he thought splurging on some new gloves and a scarf wasn't unreasonable. He probably ought to stop at Madam Malkin's for some new robes as well, since his old ones weren't fit for working in coal mine, much less the Ministry of Magic. He could buy a couple of inexpensive sets and then go back after he'd received his first paycheck to expand his wardrobe.

Pleased at the idea, he slipped his room key into his pocket and exited his room, ready to face the world with arms open wide, eager for whatever challenges it might offer. The war was over, and his new life had begun.

* * *

  
 **December 3, 1998:**

"Watch where you're going, dolt!"

The rude admonition was enough to get Remus' attention even if he didn't also recognize the voice issuing it, and he snapped his head up to look at the tall figure he had bumped into, no longer lost in thought as he hurried across the Atrium, headed toward the lifts.

As he suspected, he had run into Severus Snape - literally. Severus looked much the same, although it seemed to Remus that perhaps he had filled out, his face no longer pinched and lined with care; he looked healthier, although perhaps the fact that he wasn't wearing his old austere black robes made a difference as well. Deep burgundy was flattering to Severus' coloring, Remus thought.

"Severus." He fixed a polite but neutral smile in place as he regarded Severus cautiously, uncertain what kind of response he would get, although he was put more at ease when he saw Severus regarding him with equal wariness. He hadn't seen Severus since the final battle, although he had read all the coverage of Severus' trial in the _Daily Prophet_.

He had read about Aberforth Dumbledore's testimony regarding the Unbreakable Vow Severus had taken in 1980, swearing loyalty to Dumbledore, and Severus' testimony that Albus had called on that vow to coerce Severus into killing him. It was revealed that Albus had been slowly dying from the curse wound he had received while retrieving one of Voldemort's horcruxes over the previous summer, thus Albus had formulated a plan in which his death had put Severus in the best position to destroy Voldemort from within and to help Harry during his final confrontation with Voldemort.

But none of that had convinced him that Severus wasn't a traitor more than what he had witnessed on the battlefield. He had seen Severus turn on the Dark Lord and his followers, and while it didn't change the fact that Severus had committed murder, he had been willing to take risks and make sacrifices far beyond the call of duty to help bring about Voldemort's downfall, which convinced Remus of where his loyalties lay. Not everyone looked at it that way, however, and that, plus their mutual history, gave Severus every reason to be suspicious of him.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said pleasantly, tucking the rolls of parchment he carried under one arm so he could extend his hand to Severus, hoping the gesture would show Severus there would be no anger or recriminations from him.

"I work here." Severus looked at Remus' hand as if it were a cobra ready to strike, but then he reached out and clasped it in return, seeming to relax, if only a little.

"Do you really? Where?" Remus asked, genuinely curious. He didn't think Severus would want to return to teaching Potions even if there weren't parents who would flood the school with letters of outrage if he returned, but he never imagined Severus as a Ministry man.

"The Department of Mysteries," Severus replied, sliding his hands into the pockets of his robes as if to ensure he wouldn't have to endure any more physical contact.

"Does your presence there mean there's any truth to the rumors about the Department of Mysteries developing poisons to give to political dissidents?" Remus kept his tone light to let Severus know it wasn't a serious question, and he received a disdainful snort in reply.

"If you're so keen to find out, you could volunteer to be a test subject," Severus retorted. He eyed Remus dubiously. "What are you doing here, anyway? And whose robes did you borrow?"

"They're my robes," Remus replied calmly, letting Severus' sarcasm and rudeness wash over him as he always had. "I work here too, although I'm with the Werewolf Registry, so there's no poisoning involved, and I'm at liberty to discuss my work without you becoming a test subject first."

"Really." Although Severus' tone was bland, the lift of his eyebrows betrayed his surprise. "So they have a werewolf at the Registry and a skilled potions brewer who happens to be a former Death Eater in the Department of Mysteries. Either the new Minister is far more shrewd than I gave him credit for, or he's made two reasonably intelligent decisions by sheer dumb luck."

Remus chuckled and shook his head. Some things never changed, but in this case, he was glad to see Severus had lost none of his edge. He had enjoyed matching wits with Severus, and at least this time, Severus wasn't displaying open hostility toward him. Perhaps putting the stress of the war and his job as a spy behind him had mellowed Severus a bit, although Remus didn't doubt it was only a bit.

"I prefer to think of it as shrewdness laced with compassion," he replied, earning another snort.

"Compassion, my arse. In your case, it's likely a political move. You're a war hero and a werewolf, and he needs someone to mend fences with your lot after the previous administrations mucked it up. In my case, it's a matter of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer. I imagine it is their way of using my skills to their advantage while watching out to make certain I am truly on the side of the angels."

"Although I don't see you refusing the offer in spite of any possible shady motives," Remus said pointedly.

"Of course not. I'm a cynic, not a fool." Severus gave him a challenging look, as if expecting him to argue, but Remus only laughed.

"I suppose that makes me the idealist, but hopefully not a fool," he said, still smiling. "My position here may be nothing more than a political sop, but I have hope of doing some good and making changes for the betterment of my kind."

Severus waved dismissively. "I'll stick to immersing myself in pure research without the distracting nuisance of idiotic students, thank you."

"You don't miss teaching at all?" Remus cocked his head, curious. If he could have returned to Hogwarts, he would have, but Minerva hadn't wanted to risk having to sack him due to parental protest, and Harry was far more qualified to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts anyway.

"Not really. I have laboratory assistants to terrorize," Severus said with a negligent shrug, his thin lips quirking slightly when Remus laughed again.

"It's almost worth volunteering to be a test subject to see that." Remus hesitated, oddly reluctant to end the conversation. He never thought he would see the day when he _enjoyed_ talking with Severus Snape, of all people. "Look, I have to go," he said, offering a regretful smile. "I have a meeting with Bennett from Werewolf Support Services in five minutes. I'm pleading my case for the Ministry providing the Wolfsbane potion at a reduced cost, free if the werewolf qualifies. I'm sure it'll go nowhere, but I have to try."

He realized he was rambling in an effort to make certain Severus didn't think he was using a lame excuse to get away, and he cut himself off abruptly. "Perhaps I'll see you again soon?" He tried to pretend that wasn't a hopeful note in his voice, but Severus was a familiar touchstone, and he hadn't had the chance to connect with anyone at work yet.

"Perhaps." Severus seemed to hesitate as well before adding, "Contrary to popular belief, I don't spend all my time in the laboratory, slaving over a cauldron."

Remus knew better than to think Severus would ever openly express interest in renewing their acquaintance on more friendly terms, but that was close enough, and he smiled, pleased at the thought that Severus had mellowed enough to put ancient grudges behind them at last.

"Right. See you around then." With a friendly wave, he continued on his way to the lifts in a much more cheerful mood, humming along with the sound of Boardman's "Baby, It's Cold Outside" wafting from the wireless in the security stand.

* * *

  
 **December 7, 1998:**

Remus told himself that he wasn't on the lookout for Severus over the next few days, but he knew he was lying. The problem was, Remus had always been a social man by nature; he wasn't certain if it was innate or a byproduct of the wolf's instincts to be part of a pack, but he had always liked having a small group of friends whom he could talk to and meet for tea or dinner occasionally.

The circumstances of his life, however, had left him mostly bereft of such touchstones; he had a close circle once, but they were all lost to him one way or another by 1981, and now they were all dead, lost forever. He'd had Tonks, but she was gone, too, and he was alone again as he had been most of his life.

He didn't _need_ people; he liked having plenty of private time, because in spite of his desire for a social outlet, being around too many people for too long made him tired, especially if they were loud and energetic. But the company of someone who enjoyed a nice chat about books over tea and biscuits was something he treasured.

 _He thought perhaps he could make some friends at work, but the personnel in the Werewolf Registry were small in number. So small, in fact, that it consisted of Remus, the head of the Registry - an elderly Wizard who took long lunches and spent the rest of the day holed up in his office from which Remus frequently heard snores emanating - and one very bored secretary who preferred filing her nails and reading _The Quibbler_ and _Witch Weekly_ to talking to anyone, much less Remus._

Now that the Order had disbanded, its surviving members had gone about their own lives. Bill had only taken the office job at Gringott's so he could be on-hand during the war, and now that he was free, he and Fleur had moved to Egypt so he could resume his curse-breaking career there with Fleur as his partner. Charlie had returned to the dragon reserve in Romania, Kingsley was traveling everywhere as he worked to round up the last of the Death Eaters who hadn't been captured in the last days of the war, and Harry was teaching at Hogwarts. Remus wouldn't mind spending time with Arthur and Molly, only Molly alternated between treating him as if he were fragile and throwing eligible women at him, neither of which he wanted.

As for the rest, Remus hadn't been close enough to any of them to feel comfortable asking them to come round for tea, thus he was adrift socially, and someone like Severus with whom he shared a history and the bonds of war seemed like a good candidate for companionship.

 _If_ Severus didn't brush him off.

 _Unfortunately, Fate wasn't on his side, and after a few days of hoping to bump into Severus and failing, Remus decided perhaps it was time to take action. Surely a message ought to be safe, and if it came back as a pile of ashes in an envelope, well, that would let him know what his chances of developing a cordial, if not friendly, relationship with Severus were._

 _Picking up his quill and a clean sheet of parchment, he brushed the feather back and forth across his chin as he thought about how to word his note. He didn't want to seem overly familiar or eager, but he didn't want to seem standoffish either, although perhaps the fact that he was sending the note at all would be enough to illustrate his sincerity._

 _  
_Severus,_   
_

_I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tomorrow night, if you're free. If tomorrow doesn't suit, my schedule is flexible._

 _Remus_

He debated about whether to sign it "yours" or "sincerely", but he decided that for an informal note, just his name would suffice. He folded it up and sent it off, hoping he hadn't just done something foolish that would make him the object of Severus' scorn and ridicule, and when a reply zoomed into his office within a matter of minutes, his stomach did a flip as certainty that he was about to read a written lambasting set in.

Opening the note, Remus felt his jaw drop as he read the one sentence response, and then he read it again just to make certain it really said what he thought it said.

 _Is this a business dinner, or are you asking me out on a date?_

 _S._

Shaking off his surprise, Remus chuckled. This was nothing more than Severus trying to knock him off-balance, as Severus always did. There was nothing Severus enjoyed more than pushing people's buttons, and Remus knew that presenting a calm front was the best way to thwart him.

Picking up his quill again, he composed a quick response.

 _I had in mind something in-between the two, actually._

He paused, and a little demon prompted him to add one more line.

 _Although if your company proves more tolerable than it used to be, I might consider asking you for a date the next time._

 _Remus_

He sent it off, amused and a little smug; he had always enjoyed tweaking Severus, and he wasn't about to let Severus get the upper hand now. The response was longer in coming this time, however, and after minutes passed and no message swooped through his door, he began to wonder if perhaps he had offended Severus. As touchy and proud as Severus could be, it wouldn't be difficult, and Severus may have decided Remus was too foolish and insulting to waste his time on.

Half an hour passed before a response came, and Remus opened it with trepidation, half-surprised Severus hadn't sent a Howler.

 _Very well. Eight o'clock at the Leaky Cauldron, dutch treat. Don't be late. As for next time, the idea of 'tolerable company' goes both ways._

 _S._

A pleased smile wreathed Remus' face, the thought of having a pleasant dinner with company other than his own wireless lifting his spirits. Hopefully it would be a pleasant dinner. With Severus, one never knew; he seemed to have mellowed, but that didn't mean he and Remus would get on well once they tried to do more than exchange greetings at work.

Of course, Severus' acceptance and his response to Remus' teasing about having a date carried interesting implications, Remus thought as he gazed down at the note. But no, Severus was trying to get the last word, nothing more. The very idea of the two of them going on a date... well, it was ludicrous, and Remus had no intention of asking Severus to go on a date with him even in jest, if only because he didn't want to end up on the wrong end of a nasty hex.

No, the best Remus hoped for from this arrangement was someone to meet with and talk to once in a while when he grew tired of the silence of his flat and of the company of books alone. As long as they didn't end up in a row, he would consider the venture a success, and he didn't expect Severus would ever consider him a friend, given their history and Severus' nature. But perhaps they could offer each other companionship, and that was what Remus wanted more than anything, even if it was with Severus Snape.

* * *

  
 **December 8, 1998:**

"Thank you for coming, Severus." Remus lifted his wine glass in a silent toast, and he smiled at Severus, who sat across the table, looking less dour and uncomfortable than Remus expected, especially given they had never spent an entire evening alone together before.

They weren't completely alone, since they were in the dining room with the rest of the evening crowd. He had considered seeing if a private parlor room was available, but he decided against it since it was their first meeting, and one or the both of them might want a quick and easy escape route.

But so far, things had gone smoothly; the meal was quite good, and they had covered a range of topics about the Ministry, people they knew, and what books they had read lately, and - surprisingly - they had ended up having a lengthy and nostalgic discussion of a shared enjoyment of The Hobgoblins when Remus mentioned hearing Boardman's new Christmas song everywhere he went of late.

"I'm curious as to why you asked me in the first place," Severus replied, ignoring Remus' thanks. "Is this some bizarre form of Gryffindor nobility during which you intend for us to lay aside our animosity so we may put the past behind us and move on, or is it simply because I've moved up to the top of your social list by virtue of still being alive?"

Remus wasn't surprised by the bluntness - this was Severus, after all - and he considered the question rather than issuing a blithe response that would likely irritate Severus rather than assuage him. "A bit of both, I suppose," he said at last. "Although I've never disliked you as much as you seem to dislike me."

"I never tried to rip your throat out."

"There is that," Remus said mildly and took a sip of his wine. "Although I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I had nothing to do with that, and if I'd known, I would have put a stop to it. You _did_ force me to resign, though."

"You couldn't have stayed anyway," Severus pointed out. "The position was cursed."

"Be that as it may, you still outed me, and I was rather angry with you for a while." He regarded Severus over the rim of his glass, studying him intently. "Do you still hate me?"

"I suppose not." Severus shrugged and took a deeper swallow of his wine, as if fortifying himself. "Now that the war is over, I can't really be arsed to care. I spent a year having to watch my back lest someone from either side of the war put a knife in it, but in the end, I had the satisfaction of watching the Dark Lord die at last, knowing every sacrifice I made for Albus and for Potter was not in vain. I expected to be dead or in Azkaban when it was all over. Instead, I'm free of all shackles for the first time in twenty years."

"It must be a good feeling."

Severus shrugged again. "I am my own master," he said simply, and Remus nodded, understanding what that must mean to Severus.

"I'm happy to put everything behind us if you are," Remus said, lifting his glass again. "Here's to new beginnings."

Severus made a disparaging noise, but he raised his glass as well. "Trust a Gryffindor to turn this into an occasion for maudlin sentimentality."

"Well, I could put you on the spot instead," Remus said, a mischievous smile tugging his lips. "For example, I could ask if your response to my note means you would say yes if I did ask you on a date."

"I haven't decided if your company is tolerable yet," Severus replied, giving Remus a haughty look as he leaned back in his chair and sipped his wine.

"That isn't a denial."

"So it isn't."

Remus studied him silently, digesting the implications of that statement. "I didn't know you leaned that way," he said at last, curiosity prompting him to poke a little more at the topic.

"I could say the same of you. My preferences have never been a matter of public record," Severus said, tapping one long, slender finger against the side of his glass as he studied Remus in return. "You, on the other hand, were on your way to the altar with a certain pink-haired Auror before her death, if Molly Weasley is to be believed."

Remus went still, lowering his gaze to his plate as he fought off the pang of grief Severus' words evoked. "True," he said, his voice growing husky with emotion, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "My preferences have always been flexible, however."

"Mine have not," Severus said, and Remus was grateful that he hadn't pursued the subject of Tonks further, although it was likely because Severus didn't care about Remus' grief and wanted to avoid any emotional scenes than because of any tact or sympathy on Severus' part. "I have always preferred men."

"I'd no idea." Remus shook his head, amazed that he had known Severus for so long without ever learning such an integral fact about him. "I never guessed."

"I was careful," Severus replied. "It would have been one more thing to use against me in school, and during the wars, a partner would have been a liability. I couldn't afford the luxury of a relationship." He waved negligently as if it were of little consequence, but Remus understood how long years of isolation felt, and he understood suddenly on how many levels Severus had sacrificed to help win the war.

"And now?" Remus asked softly.

"Now I'm free."

"So you are." Remus' smile turned impish again. "Does that mean you'd say yes if I did ask you out?"

"You haven't asked yet," Severus said archly, and it seemed to Remus that there was a subtle challenge underlying his tone.

Suddenly it seemed to Remus as if the rest of the patrons had disappeared, the world dwindling down to only him and Severus and a strange, fragile moment of connection vibrating between them. This was a turning point, he realized, and he had an important decision to make, one that would alter the course of his life irrevocably.

In the dim light of the pub, Severus' angular features were softened, but there were no conditions under which he would be considered handsome. Still, Remus had to admit there was something striking about him - something compelling that lay beneath the surface of his skin, acting as an odd sort of magnetism. There was _something_ about Severus that fascinated Remus, and he wanted to know more, especially now that it seemed their former antagonism had been laid to rest.

Stretching his arm across the table, he touched the back of Severus' hand lightly with his fingertips. "Will you?"

Severus' dark eyes widened, and his thin lips parted, but no sound came out, and Remus experienced a moment of triumph for having stunned Severus into silence for the first time ever. But then Severus seemed to rally, and he peered across the table, eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"If this is a joke, Lupin-"

"It isn't," Remus said quickly, resting his hand atop Severus'. "I'm asking in earnest."

"Then... yes." Severus appeared to be as surprised that he had said yes as Remus was, and they looked at each with what Remus felt was the same sort of "well, now what?" expression.

"Right." Remus smiled and pulled his hand back, picking up his fork to finish off his piece of pork roast. "Friday night, then? Come to my place," he added impulsively. "I'll make dinner for you."

"I'll bring the wine," Severus said, turning his attention to his own meal.

"Then it's a date." Remus' tone was light, but inside, he was already nervous, wondering what he'd got himself into and how mad his life had become that he was dating Severus Snape.

* * *

  
 **December 12, 1998:**

"It's working!" Harry exclaimed, his expression suffused with a blend of amazement and pride as golden bubbles emerged from the tip of his wand and floated lazily over to the tree. "I saw Flitwick do this one year, but I wasn't sure I remembered the charm right."

Remus glanced over and smiled approvingly. "Well done. Here - what do you think of this swag?" he asked, studying the drape of the garland he'd arranged on the mantle with a critical eye. "Should it be higher?"

"Looks fine to me." Harry lowered his wand and moved to stand beside Remus, peering at the mantle. "Maybe a little higher on the left there," he said, pointing; Remus flicked his wand, and the garland lifted a little, which earned a satisfied nod from Harry. "That's got it."

It seemed almost miraculous that Christmas cheer had come to #12 Grimmauld Place, but this year, it had. Harry had set Hermione on the task of figuring out a way to remove Mrs. Black's portrait, and after several months and God alone knew how much research later, she had done it, removing the portrait and the collection of house elf heads. No more tiptoeing in and out of the house or up and down the stairs; Mrs. Black was gone for good, as was Kreacher, who had died in his sleep shortly after the war ended. Without their presence, the house seemed a much more welcoming place. It also helped that the house was completely clean thanks to Dobby, who had left Hogwarts and come to work for Harry, declaring that "Harry Potter needs Dobby" and not taking no for an answer - not, Harry had admitted sheepishly, that he had protested much since hiring Dobby meant he wouldn't have to worry about housework or cooking himself.

The house no longer felt like a gloomy mausoleum, and Remus enjoyed visiting Harry now, thus when Harry asked him to help decorate the house for Christmas - or more specifically, the party Harry was hosting on Christmas Eve - he agreed readily. Remus was in need of a distraction anyway; his first official date with Severus had been the night before, and he wasn't certain how he felt about it. He and Severus had got on quite well, and their after-dinner conversation over brandy had stretched out until nearly midnight.

There had been no good-night kiss, however; there hadn't been any physical contact at all, and from Remus' perspective, nothing had occurred to distinguish it from their first evening together. He wondered if Severus had been following his lead, waiting for him to make the first move, or if Severus wasn't all that interested in dating him, a thought that gave him a disturbing twinge.

It wasn't that he hadn't thought about injecting date-ish elements into their evening; he had, but he had held back. He felt guilty and uncomfortable about going out on a real date, as if he were doing something wrong. What would people think if they knew he was dating again already? What would they say if they knew it was Severus? Was he ready to be dating again? Was he ready for a possible relationship? Was he ready for _sex_...?

All right, perhaps _that_ was a foolish question, he admitted. Having sex again would be lovely, but he didn't want to lead Severus on or make Severus think he was ready for a serious relationship if he wasn't. For one thing, that was unfair, and he hated the thought of hurting Severus' feelings - not that Severus would ever admit it, of course. For another, Severus' wrath would be mighty to behold, and he didn't want to set off another twenty years of animosity between them.

"Something on your mind?"

"Hhm?" Remus glanced up from the line of gingerbread men he had set to marching to the tree. "No, just thinking about something from work," he said, which was partially the truth. He watched as the little men swarmed up the tree and arranged themselves on the branches, directing a couple of them to move before ending the spell.

"How's that going?" Harry asked, levitating candy canes one by one and hanging them on the boughs.

"Good so far." Remus aimed his wand at a branch, satisfied when tiny, non-melting icicles formed, glittering in the firelight. "I've been sending messages out, informing every werewolf I know that the Registry is going to be a more useful service. I've even started petitioning Werewolf Support Services to provide the Wolfsbane potion."

"Do you think they will?" Harry paused in his work to give Remus a half-hopeful, half-curious look.

"No, not for years," Remus said with a little shrug and a resigned smile. "They'll cite lack of staff and lack of funding to keep the project stalled indefinitely. But it won't ever happen if I don't keep trying, and maybe one day, it will come to pass."

"Well, if there's anything I can do, let me know." Harry reached out and clapped Remus on the shoulder, offering a reassuring smile.

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Remus covered Harry's hand with his own and squeezed it briefly. "What about you? How are you enjoying teaching?"

"I almost understand Snape now." Harry gave an exaggerated grimace and shook his head. "But I like it. Hogwarts has always been home to me, and it's nice to know I've got a permanent place there. Although it's strange being a colleague of people who taught me, McGonagall especially. I don't think I'll ever be able to call her Minerva, not when I keep expecting her to take points when I run into her in the corridors after hours," he said with a little laugh, and Remus chuckled with him, understanding the feeling all too well.

On the wireless, "Baby, It's Cold Outside" began to play, and Remus found himself humming along in spite of his best intentions.

"I hate Celestina Warbeck," Harry said, poking out his tongue at the machine. "Boardman's not half-bad, though."

"I had quite a crush on him back in the day." The words popped out before Remus had a chance to censor them, and Harry stopped levitating candy canes to boggle at Remus.

"You..."

"Like men, yes."

"But..."

"I like women, too."

"Ah..."

Harry resumed hanging the candy canes, and silence reigned in the room for a time, broken only by the sounds of Stubby's musical attempts to coax Celestina into staying the night.

"Well, at least it isn't that 'hot strong love' song," Harry said at last, and Remus breathed a sigh of relief that Harry was taking the inadvertent admission in stride. Perhaps it would make things easier when he learned about Remus' relationship with Severus. If it could be called a relationship, which Remus didn't think it could be yet, since they'd only had one date.

"Speaking of women," Harry said casually. "I was wondering if you could give me some advice."

"Oh?" Remus glanced over at him with a curious look. "About what?"

"I want to propose to Ginny," Harry said, and Remus nearly dropped the hand-blown glass ornaments he was levitating over to the tree.

It was on the tip of his tongue to protest that Harry was too young to consider marriage, but Harry was about the age his parents had been when they married, and Harry knew Molly and Arthur had married young, so Remus supposed he didn't have much ground for arguing the case against it.

"But I don't want it to be silly or soppy," Harry continued, his tone and expression earnest as he stopped decorating and turned his full attention to Remus. "I was thinking about asking her at the Christmas party, but I thought that might be too stupid. What do you think?"

"I..." Remus paused. What _did_ he think? How would he have proposed to Tonks if she had lived? Likely not in a public venue, but he wasn't Harry, and if Harry wanted to propose at the party, then Remus didn't see anything wrong with it. "I think it would be a romantic gesture," he said at last. "If you're certain she's going to say yes, then you'll have all your friends and family there to share the joy with you and to help you celebrate."

"Brilliant." Harry smiled, visibly relieved, and resumed working on the tree. "What about you?" he asked. "Any likely prospects?"

"You don't think it's too soon?" Remus asked cautiously, pretending to be absorbed in hanging the glass ornaments.

"It's been a year." Harry's tone was one of pure matter-of-fact pragmatism. "I know you loved her, but nobody expects you to spend the rest of your life in mourning."

Lowering his wand, Harry moved closer and, after a moment of hesitation, he slid his arm across Remus' shoulders; Remus glanced at him, startled. One thing he and Harry had in common was that neither of them were particularly demonstrative, thus that Harry had made the gesture left Remus surprised but deeply touched as well.

"I liked Tonks a lot," Harry continued, giving Remus' shoulders a squeeze. "I liked the two of you as a couple, but I want you to be happy, and I think her friends and yours would feel the same way. It's okay to move on."

"Thank you, Harry," Remus said softly, his smile grateful as he slid his arm around Harry's waist and gave him an affectionate squeeze in return. He appreciated the reassurance even if he didn't quite believe it yet. "It isn't really an issue yet, although..." He drew in a deep breath, steeling himself. He knew Harry wasn't going to like what he had to say next, but he wanted to settle the matter ahead of time rather than springing it on Harry the night of the party. "I'd like to invite a guest to the party. A friend."

"Sure." Harry smiled as he released Remus and went back to levitating fairy lights onto the tree. "I don't mind."

"You might when I tell you who it is." Harry gave him a questioning look at that, and Remus offered a wry little smile. "I want to invite Severus to come with me. Now before you say anything," he added quickly, holding up both hands to forestall the protest he saw coming when Harry whirled to face him, frowning. "I won't ask him if it will upset you having him there, but you should know that we've become friends. He works at the Ministry now as well, I ran into him one day, and things developed from there. I like him," he said simply.

Harry's frown deepened as he appeared to consider the matter. "There's no love lost between me and Snape," he said at last. "Even knowing what he did for our side doesn't make me like him, and I can never forget that he killed Dumbledore, even if it _was_ because Dumbledore wanted him to." He let out a sigh, his expression grim. "But if he's your friend, it's okay if you bring him. I meant what I said: I want you to be happy. I won't pretend I'm thrilled about having him here, but it won't ruin the party for me."

"You're certain?" Remus regarded him with cautious optimism.

Harry gave a half-smile and a little shrug. "Yeah, I'm sure. Bring him if you want to."

"Thank you, Harry. I do appreciate it."

Silence fell in the room again, and after a few minutes, Harry stopped and turned to Remus with a hopeful look. "You're sure you can't find a real date?" he asked. "I could fix you up with-"

"Don't _you_ start, Mr. Molly," Remus interrupted, shooting him a warning glare. "I can mind my own social life when I'm ready."

"Okay, okay." Harry held up his hands in surrender, laughing. "Just thought I'd ask."

"No matchmaking," Remus said firmly. "Or else I bring out those baby photos we found in Sirius' room and show them to Ginny, especially the one of you in the bath-"

"No matchmaking!" Harry shook his head vehemently. "I promise."

Remus' smile was placid as he finished hanging the glass ornaments and stepped back to study his handiwork. "I'm glad we understand one another."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**December 16, 1998:**

"I don't know how you managed to talk me into this." Severus regarded the gates of Hogwarts dubiously, and Remus grasped his arm and tugged, urging him onward. "I haven't been here since..."

"Which means you're overdue for a visit," Remus said firmly as they walked across the grounds to the looming castle ahead.

"I don't belong here anymore." Severus shook his head, and for a moment, Remus thought he might balk, but he continued walking, keeping pace with Remus.

"Neither do I." Remus gazed wistfully at the school; it was the source of his happiest memories, and even though they were decades old and his second sojourn hadn't been nearly as pleasant, he was still fond of the place. "I wanted to teach here again, but Minerva didn't dare risk hiring me. Apparently the tide of public opinion about werewolves hasn't turned enough for parents to want one teaching their children. Understandable, I suppose, given how many fought for Voldemort during the war, but regrettable nonetheless."

"I have no desire to return," Severus replied, his voice uncharacteristically rough and harsh. "There are too many memories. Too many ghosts."

"Neither of us can do anything about the memories," Remus said softly, curling his hand around Severus' arm and squeezing it in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. "We can lay the ghosts to rest, however."

Severus stopped and turned his gaze upward to the Astronomy tower, although the distant look in his eyes said he wasn't really seeing it. "It's empty without Albus," he said, although whether he was referring to the school or himself, Remus wasn't certain.

"Do you want to go up there?"

"No." Severus grimaced, but then he began marching forward again with grim determination. "But I need to."

They walked in silence up to the front entrance, but to Remus' surprise, it wasn't Filch who answered their summons, but Harry, who called out a cheerful greeting when he saw Remus that changed to a sour, disapproving glare when he spotted Severus.

"Sorry to intrude so late." Remus returned Harry's smile and tried to ignore the scowls being passed back and forth between Harry and Severus. "We wanted to visit the school, if that's all right."

It looked as if Harry might refuse them entrance, and if Remus hadn't been there, he probably would have refused to let Severus in, but he relented, stepping aside and ushering them in. "I was just finishing up my evening rounds when I heard you," he said, shooting a dire look at Severus. "I can come with you," he added, his tone making it clear he didn't trust Severus to be prowling the corridors unattended.

"No need," Remus replied, and while his tone was friendly, it was also firm, brooking no argument. "We know our way around."

With a reluctant nod, Harry closed the door and, casting one last glare at Severus over his shoulder, went off in the direction of the Defense classroom. Remus watched him go and then turned to Severus with a little smile.

"That went better than it could have."

"What did you expect? Drawn wands and challenging each other to a duel to the death at dawn?" Severus asked, his tone sardonic.

"Something like that." Remus started off toward the Astronomy tower, and after a moment's hesitation, Severus went with him, silence reigning between them once more as they walked along the familiar stone corridors, torches flaring to life as they approached to illuminate their path and portraits grumbling sleepily about the annoying light.

By the time they reached the top of the tower, Severus' face was as hard and frozen as if it were carved from marble, and Remus hung back, silent and still, waiting patiently while Severus confronted the demons of his past. The brisk wind forced Remus to wrap his heavy wool cloak closer around himself, and he plunged his gloved hands deeper into his pockets, but Severus stood at the balustrade like a statue, tall and dark and proud, heedless of the wind whipping at his robes and his hair.

"I didn't want to do it," Severus said at last, his voice distant as if he were speaking more to himself than to Remus. "We quarreled several times that year. I told him repeatedly that I couldn't and wouldn't do it. He told me I must, and I knew I would, not because of the Vow, but because he needed me to, and because I knew he was right. I was able to kill him, because I hated him for being right."

"He placed a great burden on you," Remus said softly, moving closer at last, but still remaining behind Severus, out of his sight.

"Yes." Severus gazed down at the courtyard far below. "He trusted me to do what had to be done, and in the end, I didn't want to fail him more than I didn't want to kill him."

Remus was surprised that Severus was speaking so openly, but perhaps the words needed to be said at last. Severus was a private man, and Remus doubted there was anyone he had been able to turn to while coping with his loss; he had grieved alone, but now he had a chance to speak, and Remus was gratified that Severus seemed to trust him enough to let him listen.

"Did you love him?" he asked, and Severus glanced over his shoulder at him, one eyebrow quirked.

"Was I in love with him, you mean?"

Remus offered a sheepish smile and moved to stand beside Severus at last, leaning on his elbows against the cold stone balustrade. "Well, the way you were talking about him..." He shrugged and smiled, earning a snort in return.

"A little, I suppose," Severus said at last. "In the distant way that one might love a hero or king who is so far beyond reach that they may as well be a star in the heavens."

Turning around, Severus shivered and wrapped his arms around himself as if finally feeling the cold. "One good thing has come from returning," he said, his expression somber, but no longer frozen. "I know there is nothing left for me here. Hogwarts will go on as it has for hundreds of years, but it is dead and empty to me. I know it intimately, and yet it is a strange place now, no longer welcoming. No longer home."

"Shall we, then?" Remus tilted his head in the direction of the door. "We could stop in the Three Broomsticks and warm ourselves up with some hot buttered rum."

"Your treat," Severus replied as he strode to the door, seeming to shake off whatever strange and melancholy mood had seized him and returning to his usual brusque demeanor. "Since coming here was your idea."

"My treat," Remus agreed, following Severus back inside.

They hadn't got far along the corridor before they ran into Harry again, who was fiddling with something in his pocket. From the suspiciously not-hostile look Harry was giving Severus, Remus suspected not all of Fred and George Weasley's Extendable Ears were out of circulation.

"Still using that map of yours, Potter?" The ice returned to Severus' features as he stared at Harry, his lip curling. "As you can see, Remus kept me in check, and I didn't run off to terrorize any innocents. We're leaving now. You needn't bother showing us out."

"Er." Harry ruffled his hair with one hand, leaving it even more of an untidy mess than usual, and the tips of his ears began turning bright red as he cast furtive glances at both of them. "I was just heading home. I - er- I've got tea. I've also got a bottle of scotch that Mc - Minerva gave me. You could join me in a drink and warm up a bit, if you like."

Remus stood silently by and listened, not certain what shocked and amazed him more: that Severus had called him by his given name, or that Harry had extended an olive branch to Severus.

Severus must have been just as surprised, because he regarded Harry with narrowed eyes, his expression wary. "Both of us?"

"Yes, both of you," Harry replied with a roll of his eyes, in an exasperated tone that implied Severus was being particularly dense.

Turning to Remus, Severus gave him a questioning look so clear that Remus could all but see the "well?" thought balloon over Severus' head. He smiled and spread his hands, hoping to make it clear that he wouldn't push Severus to stay if he didn't want to. "It's your decision, Severus."

Severus gave Harry another long, searching look, and then the suspicion in his eyes began to fade a little. "If Minerva gave you the scotch, it's bound to be good," he said with grudging reluctance.

"All right, then." Harry nodded at Severus and then turned a warm smile on Remus. "We can take the Floo from my office."

With that, he turned and marched down the corridor, and after giving Remus one last, long-suffering 'what have you got me into' look, Severus followed along behind. Remus watched them both for a moment, surprised but pleased by the seeming cease-fire between the two of them. He knew better than to hope they would ever be friends, but it would make his own friendship with Severus much easier if they could stand being in the same room together without coming to blows.

It was amazing, really, how things seemed to be falling into place, not only for him, but for Severus and Harry as well, and after everything they had all been through, Remus thought they deserved it. Perhaps it was the magic of the season, or perhaps it was Fate finally smiling upon them, but whatever the reason, Remus was grateful.

"Are you coming, or are you going to stand there, gaping like an idiot all night?"

The acerbic question jolted Remus out of his reverie. "Coming, Severus," he murmured, smiling wryly as he hurried to catch up with his companions. The evening hadn't turned out anything like he'd expected, but he didn't regret it, not when there was peace on Earth - at least in Remus' little corner of the world - at long last.

* * *

  
 **December 18, 1998:**

"Look, could we be quite quick about it?"

The familiar deep voice and irritated tone caught Remus' attention, and he peeked around the shelf in the Magical Creatures section of Flourish & Blotts, trying to spot its owner. Even amid the crowd of patrons all trying to finish up their Christmas shopping, Remus' gaze lit upon Severus' tall form swiftly, the implications of which Remus didn't want to contemplate.

Severus was standing at the gift-wrapping counter that had been set up for the holidays, glaring at a man who appeared to be sprinkling evergreen into a shiny red bag embossed with glittery gold letters that spelled out "Happy Christmas" as they flashed and moved around the bag. The man then picked up a cinnamon stick and passed it under his nose with a look of sublime ecstasy before dropping it into the bag as well.

"I'll be done in the flashest of flashes," he said, before opening a drawer and scooping up what looked like dried rosebuds.

"But I don't want all of that rubbish!" Severus leaned against the counter, looming over the gift-wrapper, who seemed impervious to all intimidation tactics.

"But Sir said he wanted it gift-wrapped," the man replied, gazing up at Severus ingenuously.

"All I wanted was a plain box to put it in so he won't know it's a book just by looking at the package," Severus snapped. "I don't want a box in a gaudy bag, filled with rosebuds. Just wrap a ribbon around the box and have done with it!"

"But - but-" The gift-wrapper stared at him, looking utterly scandalized. "You don't even want the piece-de-resistance?"

Severus closed his eyes, clenching his fingers on the edge of the table, as if he were barely restraining himself from wrapping them around the other man's throat. "What," he ground out through gritted teeth, "dare I ask is the piece-de-resistance? Pixies in tutus dancing the Nutcracker Suite on top of the box?"

"No, but that's certainly an idea for next year."

Remus had to cover his mouth with one hand to keep from bursting out laughing at that; he didn't know if the man was as oblivious as he seemed, or if he was deliberately trying to wind Severus up. Either way, it was amusing to watch.

"This year, it's a sprig of holly."

"Fine! Ribbon round the box with holly. That's all I want."

"Very well, sir." With an air of offended dignity, the gift-wrapper removed the box from the bag and reached under the counter for a roll of gold ribbon.

Remus watched, curious. Severus had alluded to a "he" as the recipient of the gift, and Remus wondered if perhaps the gift was for him. No, it couldn't be, he told himself sternly. Their relationship wasn't even a month old, and things were still tentative; as unsentimental as Severus was, it was unlikely that he was buying a Christmas present for Remus at this early stage.

There was one way to find out, he thought as he stepped out from behind the shelf and strolled over to where Severus stood, glaring at the gift wrapper and drumming his fingers on the countertop.

"Hullo, Severus!" he called out cheerfully, satisfied at the guilty start his greeting evoked.

"What are you doing here?" Severus demanded, casting a furtive glance at the box on the table, as if to make certain Remus couldn't see the contents, and Remus refrained from smiling smugly. So it _was_ for him! He was glad now that he'd gone ahead and bought a present for Severus as well.

"Christmas shopping, of course," he replied, trying to appear as ingenuous as the gift wrapper had, but he doubted he succeeded so well. "You?" he asked innocently.

"It doesn't appear you've had much luck." Severus glanced down at Remus' empty hands as he edged away from the counter.

"I've only just started, and you're avoiding the question." Remus wagged his finger playfully, earning a glare from Severus.

"Shopping," Severus replied tersely. "And since surprise is a necessary component of Christmas, I'll answer no more questions about it."

"So you won't tell me if you've bought something for me, then?" Remus moved to stand closer, encroaching on Severus' personal space, and gazed up at Severus, wide-eyed. He intended for it to be a teasing gesture, but his breath caught in his throat when Severus looked down at him, Severus' dark eyes boring into his own. He was suddenly, intensely aware of Severus' proximity, of the heat radiating from their bodies, of that strange magnetism Severus exuded.

"Have you been good enough to deserve a present?" Severus asked, his smooth voice wrapping around Remus like silken bonds, luring him closer, making him want to close his lips on its source and....

And Remus remembered they were in the middle of a crowded shop before he could act on his wayward impulse, and he mustered a mischievous smile instead. "I've been very good," he said.

"So you say."

The disgruntled gift wrapper slid a sprig of holly beneath the bow on Severus' gift and pushed it across the counter. With an annoyed sneer in the man's direction, Severus picked it up and tucked it under his arm, careful not to squash the bow. "Care to join me for tea?" he asked casually. "Or do you want to continue with your shopping?"

"I could use a cup to fortify me for facing this crowd," Remus said, not hesitating to accept the unexpected invitation. "Not to mention, I might get a peek at what's in that box."

"Hmph." Severus drew his wand and tapped the top of the box, and with a little flash of golden light, a small tag appeared which read _Do not open until Christmas under pain of dire consequences_.

"I suppose you've booby-trapped it," Remus said, heaving an exaggerated sigh.

"You forget how long I've known you," Severus replied archly. "Knowing your history as I do, I'm not taking any chances. Now then, tea or sulking?"

"Tea," Remus said promptly, tucking his arm through Severus' free arm as they headed out into the busy street; Severus raised an eyebrow at him, and he shrugged. "I don't want to lose you in the crowd."

Severus gave another quiet "hmph" at that, but he didn't protest or demand that Remus unhand him, and Remus smiled to himself as they walked along, pleased to think that Severus had gone to the trouble of buying a present for him after all.

* * *

  
 **December 20, 1998:**

"Severus?" Remus watched in bewilderment as Severus stepped out of the fireplace and began brushing off his robes fastidiously with one hand, his other hidden behind his back; he seemed to ignore Remus for the moment even though he had invited himself over without waiting for Remus' consent. "I wasn't aware we had plans today. In fact, I'd rather-"

"We didn't," Severus interrupted, fixing Remus with a shrewd, searching gaze. "However, in light of the occasion, I thought it best to make some."

Swallowing hard against the lump in his throat, Remus tried to figure out the most polite way of asking Severus to leave, one that wouldn't end up insulting Severus or making him angry. Severus couldn't know what today was or what it meant to Remus, and it was best if they didn't see each other today of all days. "I'm sorry, Severus, but it isn't the best day for-"

"Nonsense!" Severus barked, sweeping past Remus into the parlor. "A year ago today, Tonks was killed. If you aren't wallowing in a fresh wellspring of grief and maudlin sentimentality, I'll be much surprised."

"You - how did you know?" Remus gaped at Severus, who was gazing at him with an expression that Remus couldn't quite read; it wasn't cold or closed, but serious, almost melancholy.

"You think I didn't keep track of what went on with the Order while I was undercover?" Severus replied, his voice quiet and somber. "I know who died, when and where. Each death was a reminder. A failure. Each death spurred me to continue no matter how difficult or dangerous my job became."

"Severus, I..." Remus let his words trail off and shook his head. "I don't know what to say. I never imagined you knew."

"What you don't know about me, Lupin, would fill every vault at Gringotts. Here." Severus pulled his hand from behind his back at last and held out a bottle of Ogden's. "I thought the occasion called for something particularly strong. Go on - take it. It's all yours."

"You won't share it with me?" Remus accepted the bottle and gazed down at it, bemused by this turn of events.

"No, this is your anniversary, not mine. Besides, you helped me lay an old ghost or two to rest. It seems only fair that I should return the favor," Severus said with a negligent shrug as he took a seat on the couch, settling in as if he did indeed intend to stay for a while.

Drawing his wand, Remus summoned a glass, and then he opened the bottle and poured himself a generous shot of the firewhisky. "It seems odd to drink alone, but..." He shrugged and drained his glass, grimacing as the liquid scorched his throat and settled like a pool of molten lava in his stomach.

He poured himself some more and sat down on the couch as well, keeping a polite distance between himself and Severus, partly because Severus hadn't given any indication that physical contact was welcome even though they were supposedly dating, and partly because it didn't seem right to touch someone else on this day.

"Care to tell me about it?" Severus asked, aiming a questioning look at Remus, who sighed and turned his gaze to the glass cradled between his hands.

"About what? Our relationship or..." He took a deep swallow of whisky, grimacing again, but not so much this time, welcoming the burn. "What happened a year ago today?"

"Either. Both."

The whisky was already having an effect; Remus had never been much of a drinker - he escaped into books rather than booze - and he hadn't eaten much, thus he doubted it would take much to get him well pissed. Perhaps, he thought grimly as he took another drink, he was overdue for a good drunken wallow.

"I loved her," he said simply, unable to look at Severus as he spoke. It was easier to let the words spill from his lips if he pretended Severus wasn't even there; he had dealt with his grief alone, too, brushing off well-meaning attempts to coax him into "opening up" with a smile and the assurance that he was fine, giving in to heartbroken grief when he was alone at night, lying sleepless between sheets that still smelled like her.

"I couldn't imagine what she saw in me or why she wanted me, but she did, and I loved her," he continued, tracing the rim of his glass with his fingertip. "We were going to get married after the war. She wanted to wear a pink wedding dress. She said she hadn't qualified to wear white since she was sixteen, so she might as well wear a color she actually liked."

He chuckled, remembering how he had teased her about wanting something frilly and poofy that would look more like a wedding cake than a wedding dress, and she had informed him with a wicked gleam in her eyes that she had in mind an elegant sheath closer to salmon than bubblegum in shade, something slinky that would make him want to ravish her before the ceremony was even over.

Letting out a shuddery sigh, he drained his glass again, and Severus silently reached for the bottle to refill it. "She wanted children. Two, possibly three. We had plans," he said, a bitter edge creeping into his voice. "We were going to find a small house together, and I was going to have a family and a normal life, and now that's over."

He covered his face with one hand and leaned forward, grief welling up and washing over him as strong as it had been in the moment he first heard the news of her death. "She was so _young_. She had so much ahead of her. We had so much ahead of _us_ , and I miss her. I still miss her. I didn't have to move when I took this job, but I wanted to, because I hated waking up in the middle of the night in the bed we shared, expecting to feel her in my arms."

He took another sip of whisky and then glanced over at Severus, squinting a little because his vision was starting to get blurry. "Should I be telling you this?" he asked, trying to enunciate clearly, but his tongue felt thick, and it kept getting in the way. "I mean... we're dating. Aren't we?"

"Whatever relationship you and I have doesn't negate our respective histories," Severus replied. "If you don't tell me, who will you tell? Molly Weasley? At least I won't weep all over you and then force food on you."

"No, you wouldn't do that. You just bring me alcohol." Remus smiled and shook his head, but the sudden movement made him woozy, and he pressed his free hand to his forehead as he tried to get the world to stop spinning and making him queasy.

"Were you there when it happened?" Severus asked, and Remus stared into his glass again, his eyes burning.

"No. I used to wish I had been, because I would have died with her, but I don't wish that anymore." He fell silent, lost in memories, and when he spoke again, his voice was distant, almost dreamy. "I don't have much in the way of regrets. The only thing I regret is wasting time. We could have been together sooner, but the time we did have was good. Before she left that morning, I pinned her against the door, and we had a really good snog. Really wet, you know? All tongues and groping. It was brilliant. She said she wanted to pick up where we left off when she came home, and she said she loved me. I told her I'd be waiting and that I loved her too. But she never came home."

Another deep, shuddery sigh wracked him, and he scooted closer to Severus, leaning over until his head fell against Severus' shoulder, whisky sloshing out of his glass. Lifting it, he lapped up the drops of liquor on his hand and closed his eyes, finding Severus' shoulder a nice, remarkably unbony pillow. After a moment, he felt the weight of Severus' arm across his shoulders, and he sighed again, a contented sound this time, and relaxed against Severus' side.

"I didn't think I'd find anyone else," he murmured. "I thought it was over for me."

"It's a funny old world," Severus said, leaning his cheek against the top of Remus' head.

Silence fell over the room, but Remus had nothing more he wanted to say; he wanted to rest quietly, comforted by the peaceful moment and the solid warmth of Severus' presence. He had dreaded this day, thinking it would be filled with nothing but memories and a renewal of grief and loneliness. Instead, he had found solace from a most unexpected source, and while he did grieve anew, he wasn't lonely.

It seemed he had a great deal of thinking to do about his relationship with Severus, but not today. Today, he mourned the passing of Tonks and the future that might have been. Tomorrow when he was sober, he would think about the future that might be.

* * *

  
 **December 24, 1998:**

Harry's party was in full swing by the time Remus and Severus arrived; Grimmauld Place had come alive with the sounds of laughter, conversation, and lively music, and even the gas lights seemed brighter for the holiday revelry. The entrance hall was filled with the scent of evergreen, rich gingerbread, and succulent roast goose which only grew stronger as they moved toward the ballroom, divested of their outerwear. Remus thought Severus' deep violet-blue dress robes made him look handsome, and he felt as though he didn't look half-bad himself in a set of new dress robes in crimson and gold.

Dobby had greeted them cheerfully at the door to take their heavy wool cloaks and scarves, wearing a Father Christmas hat and a sprig of holly pinned to his left sock. Or rather, he greeted Remus cheerfully and regarded Severus with some suspicion, which Remus expected would be the case with some of the guests as well.

The double doors leading to the ballroom were wide open, revealing a large room illuminated by a crystal chandelier lit with hundreds of dripless candles casting their golden glow on the dancers below. A live band had set up on a small dais at one end of the room, and while the lead singer was no Stubby Boardman in Remus' estimation, he wasn't bad.

On the smooth, glossy hardwood dance floor, Arthur and Molly were taking a turn, along with Bill and Fleur, who had come home for the holidays. Remus also spotted Kingsley dancing with a woman Remus didn't recognize, along with a few young people he remembered from his year of teaching.

Over on the sidelines, Remus caught sight of Hermione dragging a reluctant Ron onto the dance floor, and he could see but not hear her say, "Oh, honestly, Ron." Nearby, Neville Longbottom's face was turning pink as he approached Luna Lovegood, but in a moment, he was all smiles when she nodded, and they joined the dancers together.

By the buffet table, Minerva stood chatting with Flitwick, a glass of wine in her hand, and Hagrid was happily poring over the dessert table, picking up several pieces of fudge to add to his plate.

Glancing over at Severus, Remus noticed that Severus' expression had grown stiff, his dark eyes betraying concern about his welcome here, and Remus slid his fingers into Severus' palm, clasping his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. Severus glanced down at him, surprising blooming in his eyes, but Remus merely smiled and kept hold of Severus' hand.

"Hungry?" he asked, his smile turning mischievous. "Or would you like to dance first?"

"And cause a scene when we squabble over who gets to lead? No, thank you," Severus retorted.

"Something to eat, then?" Remus tugged his hand, urging him over to the buffet table. "I can see roast goose and gravy and potatoes and - oh, there's a Christmas pudding, too!"

Severus gave a derisive snort but allowed himself to be led, and Remus noted with amusement that Severus made no effort to tug his hand free. Perhaps he liked Remus making such an obvious statement, or perhaps he needed the silent support; either way, Remus had no intention of letting go until he had to.

The slow song ended, and a faster paced tune began, and Molly bustled over, beaming and fanning her face, her laughter breathless. "Oh, Remus! I'm so glad you could come!" Her gaze flicked down to their joined hands and then back up to Remus' face. "And you brought a - friend?"

"A date," Remus replied mildly, moving closer to Severus, and a glance up showed that Severus' expression was reminiscent of the cat who ate the canary. "Severus is my date this evening."

"Really?" Molly mustered a weak smile. "Are you sure you're ready for that, dear? It hasn't been very long..."

"It's been a year." That remark came from across the table, and Remus shot a startled look over to see Harry filling his plate with vegetables. "If he thinks he's ready after all that time, then he probably is."

"But..." She gestured helplessly, and Remus didn't need to be a Legilimens to know what she was thinking: she had offered to set him up with several women, but he had refused them and chosen Severus Snape, of all people, instead. "Well, whatever makes you happy," she said at last, reaching out to embrace him and kiss his cheek, and he returned the embrace with his free arm, relieved. "Congratulations."

"Don't start wishing us joy yet," Severus said, although he didn't sound as irritated as he might have, for which Remus was grateful. "It's still early days, and we might not last, which I imagine will be a relief to most of Remus' friends. However," he added, drawing himself up with the imposing air that had subdued many a student, "I wouldn't count on it."

Warmth bloomed in Remus' chest at that, and he couldn't help the wide smile that tugged at his lips. Coming from Severus, that was quite a declaration, and it boded well for their chances of making this relationship work - and Remus found that didn't unsettle him in the least.

Molly excused herself and hurried away - probably to start spreading the news, Remus thought with amusement - and Remus turned his attention back to the food. It was awkward at first, with people they both knew from Hogwarts and the Order greeting Remus warmly but not seeming to know what to do with Severus. But Harry's tacit approval of Severus' presence, Remus' focused loyalty, and Severus' haughty refusal to be cowed all seemed to help diffuse the discomfort of the situation, and as the evening wore on and the wine and beer flowed, attitudes seemed to soften from wary to courteous and even cautiously friendly in some cases.

"Come on, Severus," Remus wheedled, gazing up at Severus with wide, pleading eyes that he hoped would weaken Severus' resolve. "Just one dance."

Severus opened his mouth, no doubt to issue a blistering retort, but just then, the band fell silent, and he smirked at Remus instead. "Too late."

Remus was about to reply when Harry mounted the dais and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Er. If I could have everyone's attention?" The noise level in the room fell as conversations died off, and everyone turned to face Harry, whose cheeks were glowing pink. "First, I'd like to thank everyone for coming. This Christmas is special, because it's the first time we've had peace on Earth in a while-"

There was a smattering of applause and several cheers for Harry, whose face turned even more red.

"-thanks to many people in this room who fought against Voldemort and everything he stood for, who made difficult choices, and who made terrible sacrifices-"

Remus thought perhaps Harry's gaze lingered on Severus for a moment, and he smiled proudly at the young man.

"-all in the name of protecting our freedom. We all had a part to play, and none of us could have done it alone," Harry added, smiling warmly at Ron, who looked abashed, and Hermione, who was smiling and weeping at the same time. "Tonight, we're celebrating peace and goodwill and all that, but Christmas is a time of love, too, which is why..." His voice cracked, and he swallowed hard, tugging on the collar of his robes. "Which is why I want to take this opportunity to ask a very important question." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small black box. "Ginny, will you marry me?"

The crowd seemed to hold its collective breath until a delighted shriek echoed throughout the ballroom.

"YES!"

A red-haired fireball shot out of the crowd and flung itself at Harry, who laughed with visible relief as he gathered Ginny in his arms. At the front of the crowd, Arthur beamed with obvious pride and joy while Molly sobbed into a lace-edged handkerchief, and the rest of the crowd applauded wildly, catcalls and whistles punctuating the loud and enthusiastic support.

Remus clapped until his palms were sore, happy that Harry had finally got his heart's wish; he and Ginny would have the long and happy - and _peaceful_ \- life that James and Lily hadn't got. They had loved each other deeply and had been happy together, but their time together was so short, just as his and Tonks' time had been.

But Remus had what James and Lily did not: a second chance. If there was one thing he had learned, it was that life was too short to waste on doubts. Love was precious and rare, and it shouldn't be wasted or hidden away; it should be shared and celebrated, because it was a gift, the best gift of all. Mourning with Severus had shown him that it was indeed time to let go and move on; Tonks wouldn't have wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone, and he could love again without guilt, knowing that loving Severus wouldn't diminish what he had shared with Tonks.

Gazing up at Severus with a secretive little smile, he clasped Severus' hand again and tugged. "Come on," he said, leading Severus out of the ballroom.

"You're ready to leave already?" Severus asked, his eyebrows climbing. "I thought you would stay in hopes I get tipsy enough to let you talk me onto the dance floor."

But Remus shook his head, saying nothing until they reached the archway leading from the entrance hall to the parlor; there he stopped and pointed up, showing Severus the mistletoe he had hung there when he helped Harry to decorate.

No more words were needed. Releasing Severus' hand, Remus wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, urging him down, but Severus needed no prompting. Winding his arms around Remus' waist, he pulled Remus close and bent his head, and Remus darted his tongue out for a quick taste as their lips met, breathing a moan into Severus' mouth when Severus' tongue flicked out to taste Remus, too. Sliding one hand up into Severus' hair, he coaxed Severus' lips apart, seeking entrance to his mouth, and Severus yielded willingly, caressing Remus' back with slow strokes from shoulder to hip.

It was so different having Severus in his arms, being the shorter partner in the embrace. But feeling Severus' long, lean body pressed against his, the heat of that body seeping through their clothes to warm his very soul was delicious in its own way, and when Severus' slender fingers tightened on his back as Severus moaned into the kiss, Remus forgot about comparisons and lost himself in the moment.

Severus' rising passion matched his own, and he knew there was no need to hold back; he wanted Severus to know how much he wanted, how much he _needed_ , and he fisted his hand in Severus' hair as he devoured Severus' mouth, desperate and ravenous. Severus' bone-deep groan was lost in the kiss as Severus' tongue plundered Remus' mouth greedily, and Remus sucked it, wanting to taste and to touch until his senses were glutted.

Slowly, so slowly, they broke apart; Severus' lips gleamed in the dim light of the entrance hall, wet and rosy, and Remus licked his own lips, tasting Severus on them and wanting more even after that fervent first kiss. His body was thrumming with desire, and he wanted nothing more than to drag Severus off somewhere private where they could finish what they had started, but there was no rush. He felt more alive than he had in months, and he wanted to savor that feeling and to share it - to enjoy the holiday with those who meant so much to him.

"Will you dance with me now, Severus?" he asked, his smile teasing.

"Kiss me like that again, and I might be convinced." Severus regarded him somberly for a moment, and then he touched Remus' cheek lightly. "I have something for you. A token, really. I could stop by tomorrow..."

"I had thought we might spend the day together. I have a small turkey that'll be far too much for just me, and I decorated my flat yesterday." Remus tilted his head, his expression questioning. "If you'd rather not, that's quite all right, but I have something for you, too. And I have eggnog," he added playfully.

"Well, that seals the bargain. I'll bring the rum to spike it while you aren't looking," Severus said with something that was almost a smile.

From the ballroom, the distant strains of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" began to play, and Remus rested one hand at Severus' waist and reached for Severus' hand, swaying in place to the music until Severus gave him a look that somehow blended annoyance and affection and began to move, letting Remus lead him in a slow dance around the hall.

"Bring your toothbrush, too. I really think you'll need to spend the night, because I couldn't let you go out into the cold all alone," Remus said, an impish twinkle in his eyes as he began to sing. "Just think of my lifelong sorrow if you caught pneumonia and died, 'cause baby, it's cold outside."

-end-


End file.
